Award Tour Vol. 2: Non-stop Sounded Reasonable

Architecture of a poor plan:

While in Nashville Tre, my brother, decides that for this trip we're going to hook a U-haul trailer to his car and pull "everything he owns" along with him to L.A. This plan seemed reasonable except that it ignored some very important facts. Some of them relate to the sciences. I'd like to highlight a few:

1. Tre's car doesn't have a compressor. Those of you who are familiar with the science of Thermodynamics will recognize the compressor as an integral part of the standard air conditioning unit. I personally felt that a drive through Death Valley without a working air conditioner would be - somewhat challenging (but some say I am a pessimist)

2. Despite his desire to bring it with him, Tre's car wasn't designed to pull the weight of "everything he owned". This became apparent after he had loaded the last item to the U-Haul trailer and noticed his shocks were fully compressed and the frame of the car was actually resting on his tires; somewhat difficult to drive a car in that condition based on what I know about the science of friction (but again, that might just be me being pessimistic)

3. His car is a manual transmission - I don't drive stick. Not really a science issue, just a logistics issue.

After a short deliberation, we decided to rent a U-haul truck and to tow his car behind it; a much more reasonable prospect. The problem was (and you know there was a problem because it's me telling the story) that the U-Haul was funky (and I don't mean that it was pimped out - I mean it needed to be aired out). The cab of the U-Haul truck was dank.

How do I describe the funk? Like a men's locker room after 10 years of use. Like the air of an enclosed ride at your local county fair at the end of the day. Like the smell that singed your nose hairs that time you were stuck on a plane, sitting in a window seat, facing the sun, on a hot summer day, next to a fat man who's sweating through his short sleeved shirt because the air nozzle above him didn't work (was that last one too much? Well too bad, reality hates you too)

Did we try to air out the truck? Yes. Did we succeed? No. The putrid smell (heretofore to be referred to as "The Stank") simply would not be denied it's right to exist. We sprayed down the entire cab of the truck with so much "Febreeze" you could hear it squishing in between the mesh of the fabric as you pushed down on the cushion. But it was a lost cause. That poisonous cloud of "Stank" had been exposed to the open upholstery for far too long, it became "one" with the fabric; bonding at a molecular level. The two would not be separated. It was going on the road trip, invited or not.

If I could embed mp3's into this site know that Outkasts "Funky Ride" would be playing right here, and right now.

Ok so we're going to ride with the windows rolled down (yes, even if it rains). What else do we have to do in preparation? Maybe learn how to drive this thing. Holding only a Class D driver's license, I've never had to operate anything longer than a Deuce and a quarter (I doubt anyone without a CDL has). So we went about practicing driving the U-Haul with car port attachment. And it's not as straight forward as you think. I mean driving with no rear view mirror, having limited access to the "reverse" gear (and by limited I mean NO access to "reverse"), and taking wide turns. Let me tell it, I'd say I did okay on those wide turns. Those people who I cut off at the intersection making that left hand turn would probably disagree (but that's only because reality hates them too and they just haven't accepted it yet). All in all things seemed to be coming together.

Is the plan starting to sound reasonable now? Let me fix that. Let me remind you that we have already been delayed by my gas leaking extravaganza. We have further been delayed by Tre's initial U-haul rental... this solidified our collective and seemingly sober decision to drive to Los Angeles non stop. (I can almost see you shaking your head in disapproval right now - but like I said - that WAS the plan). I would drive until I was sleepy, and then I would hand off to Tre. When he got tired, he'd hand it back to me. Non-stop sounded reasonable then.