Award Tour Vol. 31: And Really You Are

The above are photos from a press conference in May 2005, given by Foxy Brown (born Inga Marchand) who fell victim to a sudden case of sensorineural hearing loss, which took 100% of her hearing (as you can imagine that can really put a damper on a music career). After viewing the photos, a friend of mine noticed that former supermodel Tyson Beckford was front and center in many, prompting her to ask the question, "is she {Foxy Brown} with Tyson?"

To answer that you have to examine what is meant by the word 'with'. In what context do you mean? Geospatially, yes - she is with him. They are in the photo together - longitude and latitude virtually identical. As far as the handheld GPS device is concerned they are the same point on the map. Now if the question was are they a couple, I would have to say most likely not.

By definition she could not be with Tyson as 'she' is a feminie pronoun. I could go further and explain that most rumors concerning Tyson and who he is with can be easily dismissed, as often these rumors will allege that that other person is a woman - a statistical impossibility.

You see, Tyson is gay. (send all hate mail to tysonisgay@hatemail.com)

Note: The above is not my e-mail address, that's just where I plan to redirect your angry rebuttals so that I don't have to spend 30 seconds out of my e-mail day deleting your heart felt diatribes. I don't have the time or inclination to read them. He's gay. Get over it.

Yes Tyson is gay. He has not said as much himself, nor does he have to (I refer you to the Furry, Red, Bomber jacket he is wearing in the photos). We know it, he knows it... even women (some of whom at this very moment are sending angry responses to the dead-end e-mail address above) know it. He doesn't have to dress like a washed out pimp from Sesame Street to make you a believer.

Nor does he have to engage in remarkably unconvinging attempts at holding, caressing, and comforting Foxy Brown like a "real" Hetero would - in an effort to prove he isn't gay. Hey Tyson, this isn't a court of law, it's public opinion. And here you are presumed guilty and never quite proven innocent (highly unfair, but the truth). Fortunately, even if you are gay, it's not a crime.

So if you are gay (and you are), keep on rocking those Ruby Red Otter Fur Jackets with pride, hell go all out and add an orange, yellow, green, and blue swatch of fur to get that rainbow effect. Maybe they'll shoot a Brokeback Mountain 2 and they'll have a spot for you (and the jacket too). If you aren't gay, start using the fact that none of us believe you to your advantage.

Pretending to be gay, will cause many women to naturally gravitate towards you and treat you like another girl friend - invariably some will try to change you (because they tend to think they can do that sort of thing) and when you get tired of the relationship you can just say - I'm gay - and they'll have to agree because as far as they know... you are (and really, you are).