Award Tour Vol. 8: A Checkpoint Inside the State

Vegas to L.A.

We've had our fun in Vegas, but now it's time to get gassed up, get some snacks and some drinks and get on the road. We actually reach California's border without much incident (which should surprise you if you're a regular to this blog). After a few hours of driving we crossed the border into Cali and had actually gone 20 miles or so when it happened. When what happened? A monumental backup of a two lane highway that stretched so far into the desert the person who was responsible for it should’ve gotten a medal (I mean, you don’t just get up one morning and cause a traffic jam like this - no - this took planning).

So you’re asking yourself, “what caused it?” Was there an accident? No. Was there construction? No. Did someone break down ahead of us. No, of course not - these would all be reasonable. This mighty grid lock was courtesy of the local California Produce Checkpoint system. (Scratching your heads yet?) Program Note: It wasn't really called the California Produce Checkpoint System, it's actually the CDFA's - Plant Health & Pest Prevention Services (CDFA = California Department of Food & Agriculture) You can google it, I'm not making this stuff up.

The great state of California, has distinguished itself, in my eyes, by being the only state I have ever witnessed that can actually create artificial traffic jams in the middle of a desert (and if you think about it, that's saying a lot). I guess the premise of the checkpoint system was that it was supposed to keep the “BAD” fruit and vegetable produce out. Considering the shear size of the state, and California’s track record when it comes to keeping “things out” - I am a bit skeptical that this system is in any way, what one would call - USEFUL. Despite the efforts of the semi-trained check point attendants, somehow I suspect that illegal fruit, much like illegal immigrants, are still making their way into the state. But let me not lean to hard on Cali, they have a checkpoint - it helps them sleep at night - fine. All I ask is that they hire intelligent check point managers.

Checkpoint-Man: How you guys doing?
Tre: Fine.
Checkpoint-Man: Where are you guys headed?
Tre: To King/Drew Medical in Los Angeles.
Checkpoint-Man: What's in the back?
Tre: My bike, clothes, books... some towels and blankets.
Checkpoint-Man: Are you transporting any plants or animals?
Tre: No.
Checkpoint-Man: What about snacks?
Tre: We have some grapes and some...
Checkpoint-Man: So you don't have any fruits?
Tre: Grapes
Checkpoint-Man: No vegetables, no plants, or fruits?
Tre: Ummm... no just Grapes
Checkpoint-Man: How about any grapefruit, oranges, or cherries?
Tre: We have some cherries too
Checkpoint-Man: Okay, cherries are a banned produce. You are not allowed to bring these into the state of California. If you like you can pull off to the side of the road and finish the cherries before you go... otherwise you have to leave them here.
Tre: Well here, you can just keep them
Checkpoint-Man: Okay so is that everything? No other fruit?
Tre: We - Have - Some – Grapes
Checkpoint-Man: Oh I don't mean like that, those are Okay - I'm just talking about vegetables, exotic plants, and fruits. {I am laughing out loud at this point}

{BREAK}it is worth noting, that while there is a somewhat universal belief among my friends that I am short in patience (and perhaps at times I am), I would make the argument that this lack of patience is not a personal failing, rather it is actually a DNA encoded behavior - and clearly I am NOT the only one. Tre received the ‘anger gene’ as well. {UNBREAK}

I'll ignore the Checkpoint-man's limited knowledge of the elements of the 4 food groups (let's all ignore that fact for right now). Let’s look at the real issue; is it me or does it seem like 20 miles inside the border of the state is a slightly counter-productive position in which to erect a checkpoint system?. If the point is to keep the items out you've already failed - they're already 20 miles in. That’s like screening airline passengers for weapons after the plane is already in the air. But of course, you only reach that conclusion if you subscribe to the tenets of logic - and if grapes aren't a fruit, then I guess a checkpoint inside the state makes sense too.