Award Tour Vol. 17: How the Mind Works

So I'm going to get an MRI to check out why my shoulder has been bothering me so much. I strip off all the metal I have on me (cause the "M", in MRI stands for Magnetic, and if you understand the science, you understand the physics) and I get on the table. The technician (let's call him Patrick) comes out and sets up additional scanning equipment on my shoulders. Then the table starts sliding into the machine, further, and further and further until as best I can tell only my feet are dangling out. And then the 3 part conversation happened in my head:

RATIONAL ME: Mission Control we are ready for imaging
MISSION CONTROL ME: Roger that Rational. Arm space is nominal but breeze way is good, heart rate normal, we are a "go", I say again, we are a "go"

CONCERNED ME: The uh… the table slid in kind of far
RATIONAL ME: Yeah we’re in position
CONCERNED ME: But it… it slid in far though right?
RATIONAL ME: That's cause they're imaging the shoulder
CONCERNED ME: I know what they're imaging, I'm just saying… the table slid in kind of far
RATIONAL ME: So what… we're going to go to sleep anyway
MISSION CONTROL ME: Uh Mission Control to Rational, we're picking up a lot of chatter on the comms, is everything okay?
RATIONAL ME: Uh Roger Control, everything is fine, the scan has already started
CONCERNED ME: Everything is NOT fine, I can't move my arms
RATIONAL ME: You're not supposed to be moving them… you have to sit still during an MRI
CONCERNED ME: But I can't move them - even if I wanted to I can't move
MISSION CONTROL ME: Mission to Rational, check your systems again, we're reading elevated stress readings… can you confirm?
RATIONAL ME: Standby Mission, look, whether you can move your arms or not doesn't matter because you know you're not trapped
CONCERNED ME: I am trapped. I can't leave if I want to
RATIONAL ME: You are not trapped… you are in the middle of a scan
CONCERNED ME: WHICH I CAN'T LEAVE…
RATIONAL ME: No you can't leave…but you can't leave because the scan has already started
CONCERNED ME: AND IF THE SCAN WASN'T RUNNING COULD I LEAVE?
RATIONAL ME: Well no you couldn't
CONCERNED ME: WHY NOT?
RATIONAL ME: Well there's not enough leg room or arm room to -
CONCERNED ME: YOU SEE I AM TRAPPED. I CAN'T LEAVE… AND I WANT TO LEAVE
RATIONAL ME: Okay wait a minute, calm down
MISSION CONTROL ME: Mission to Rational, we just spiked on the stress meters, what's going on up there?
RATIONAL ME: Standby Mission
CONCERNED ME: I CAN'T BREATHE
RATIONAL ME: Yes you can
CONCERNED ME: NO I CAN'T - I CAN'T BREATHE AND I CAN'T MOVE, IT'S TOO SMALL
RATIONAL ME: Calm down…

CONCERNED ME: I DON'T WANT TO CALM DOWN I WANT TO LEAVE
RATIONAL ME: The scan is almost over
CONCERNED ME: I WANT TO LEAVE NOW
RATIONAL ME: Breathe
CONCERNED ME: I CAN'T
MISSION CONTROL ME: Mission to Rational respond
RATIONAL ME: Standby Mission
MISSION CONTROL ME: Negative Rational, stress level just spiked again, blood pressure is through the roof, the control panel is lit up like a Christmas tree
RATIONAL ME: Concerned is on a feed back loop, attempting to adjust
CONCERNED ME: I WANT TO LEAVE NOW!!!
RATIONAL ME: Okay, but -
CONCERNED ME: NOW!!!

INSERT MUSIC HERE: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Freak Out!!!

MISSION CONTROL ME: Rational we are no longer a "go" I repeat, we are no longer a "go". Stress meters are all pegged, WIG OUT is imminent. Eject! Eject!

Patrick *on intercom* How’s it going in there?
RATIONAL ME: You should probably take me out for a second.

Patrick *on intercom* Is something wrong?

(Pause)

RATIONAL ME: You should probably take me out for a second.

EPILOGUE: Patrick comes rushing in to get me out of the MRI for a breather. I tried to look as calm and collected as possible but I felt like someone just tried to bury me alive. The funny thing is once he pointed out that the MRI machine was actually open on both ends (a fact that I failed to realize for whatever reason) I immediately calmed down and went to sleep for the rest of the scans; funny how the mind works.