Award Tour Vol. 49: Moonlight

I once wrote a blog about Steven Spielberg's interpretation of "War of the Worlds". Recently, I was prodded by a friend, to more closely examine the flaws in the movie (many of which I initially overlooked). For those who have already seen the movie - read on. For those who haven't but plan to - it's at Blockbuster now - stop reading here.

Some residual issues I have with "War of the Worlds"

1. Hmmmmm... early on in the movie we learned that power has been knocked out to everything electric in the area - cars, watches, lights - everything. The loss of power is a central part of the entire story. So when the Alien machines (the Killer Tripods) began to emerge from the earth and we see a curious on-looker (a man) videotaping the whole thing, I am left with one burning question...

...how is this possible when everything electric no longer works?

2. Maybe by some chance a lot of people stick around to see the Killer Tripod stand completely up right
(I wouldn't... but perhaps some would).
After it sounded it's alarm, which I am heretofore calling the "Tuba of Death", maybe even then people stay around
(I wouldn't... but perhaps some would).

After years of movies portraying aliens as benevolent and hyper-intelligent beings who only wanted to help mankind, maybe they thought this was something out of "Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind". Maybe they thought the aliens were trying to communicate.

As I think back on some of these old movies, I remember that many of them depicted peaceful exchanges between man and alien. Some aliens came offering friendship (E.T.), some offered adventure (The Last Starfighter), some offered healing (Coccon), one even offered a champion (Superman). If memory serves me correctly, none of the offerings required any sustained build up of Atom-smashing energy (as the Killer Tripods are currently doing now that they have emerged). Sure we'd like to believe that all aliens are of the "E.T." variety that mean us no harm - but when they enter our atomsphere... let's be honest - it's a crap shoot. Sometimes you get "Lilo and Stitch" - sometimes you get "Independence Day".

And so what am I suggesting? I'm suggesting that perhaps, just perhaps, the Killer Tripods have something different in mind than "peaceful coexistence with mankind". Maybe those tentacles that look like gun fixtures, actually ARE gun fixtures. Maybe they are glowing ever brighter with strange alien energy because they are about to fire. In truth, I can't be sure about any of this - but to be on the safe side - how about we run first and ask questions after we're a safe distance away? Can you get on board with that?

3. Dodgeball 101: If you run a straight line... you will get hit - probably hard. Zigging and zagging isn't just for show - it's for survival. If you won't do it - you are going to pay the price. No one in their right mind wants to get smacked in the face with a dodge ball thrown so hard, that it curves in it's flight path and "hums" as it cuts through the air towards you. But if you run a straight line - there's a good chance it'll happen - right in the face.

Fortunately in the game of Dodgeball, if you get hit - the worst that happens is you're out until the next game. Of course... this is War of the Worlds, and the stakes are a little bit higher now aren't they? If you get hit here - you're also out...

...of the game called life...

...forever.

This should come as no surprise since they are throwing highly charged beams of energy in place of a red rubber Voit Dodgeball (guess those tentacles were gun fixtures after all). My guess is that the compact beam of energy probably hurts more than the Voit when it hits you - but that's neither here nor there - the point is your life is on the line.

Since your life is on the line - I'm just guessing that we (as a panic stricken group of people) can probably come up with something a little more creative... a little more evasive than just an open ended 100 meter dash where we all run in straight lines down the street, making the Tripods task of eradicating humanity both simple and convenient. Maybe a left turn or a right turn here or there might be in order. (The Tripods seem to be fairly good at killing folks on their own - they probably don't need the additional help of you providing them with an easy target.)

4. Tom Cruise's character (Ray Ferrier) comes home shell-shocked - and sits there silently and catatonic - after witnessing the initial attack (see point #3 where people run in immaculately straight lines and are popped like super-heated corn kernels) . Mr. Ferrier... You have kids... And the Tripods are on the way... You know what they can do... Do you really have time for this moment of introspection?

5. The Killer Tripods were literally throwing cars down the street and ripping roofs off the buildings - this is something that people in Ray's neighborhood (a short distance away) can't see? They can't hear the wanton destruction going on right down the street when it is occuring on a Godzilla scale? Remember, Ray was on foot - he couldn't have gone that far. And the Tripods are huge (in one scene we watch one towering over trees) How do people in the nearby neighborhood miss all this? Shouldn't people already be running before Ray gets back?

6. Imagine this scenario. You're an auto repair mechanic. You've just been through an unprecedented and freakish storm with multiple lightning strikes that produce no thunder but knocks out power to everything...

...even to things that should still have power. You see a man who looks desperate sitting in a car that you just fixed, trying to get his family out of town with ALL due urgency. You object initially but he tells you if you don't get in the car with him that right then and there... You are going to die. Do you:

A) Scoff because this is clearly a joke
B) Scoff because this guy must be off his medication
C) Scoff because though a lot of weird things are happening, you certainly aren't going to die
D) Err on the side of caution, and consider the merits of his argument as you drive away WITH him out of the area

7. Characters with plausible behaviours are an important element to most movies - one gets the sense however that the writers for "War of the Worlds" decided that they could waive this constraint as they wrote dialogue and activity for the son, named Robbie.

Not only were most of his actions implausible, they were down right idiotic - and there is no character development that explains why. You can make a thinly veiled attempt to say, he feels estranged from his father (or feels he has no father figure to guide him) and in an attempt to psychologically exorcise these demons - he responds by trying to be a father figure to others around him. But this does not explain his death wish.

The first time he sees an Army column driving by, the soldiers wear somber faces - not at all unlike the faces of the soldiers in the movie "Glory" the night before they attempted to take Ft. Wagner. Their one common bond is the knowledge that they are all about to do something that will likely get them killed (in Glory it was the attempt to take Ft. Wagner, in the War of the Worlds, it was the attempt to hold the Tripods at bay - neither group was successful by the way). Yet Robbie insists on joining them... why?

Later on, the machines attack while Ray and Robbie are out in the field... Humvees are already riding around on fire. Helicopter Gunships are firing mutliple rounds of missles - and they aren't destroying anything. What does Robbie do? He refuses to leave saying, "I have to be here, I need to see this... You have to let me go".

You have to be here for what? What do you need to see? The ultimate and predicatable triumph of the Killer Tripods over United States Military? There is nothing you can do here that the trained professional Army hasn't already failed to do. You are an idiot.

8. When Ray makes the mistake of trying to drive to the Ferry (in an attempt to make his way to Boston), people start piling on his car and threatening both he and his childrenbodily harm if he doesn't let them ride, smashing windows and rocking the car. When he finally is forced to stop and his kids are being ripped from the car by the frenzied crowd trying to commandeer his vehicle, he pulls a gun. Order is briefly restored, at which point one of the members of the once roving mob says, "Calm down man - what's your problem?".

Are you serious?

Is this man part of the same group that was just violently attacking the car, trying to yank Ray's kids from it with no regard for their safety? You're asking Ray what HIS problem is? I'd say Ray's only problem is that his gun isn't an automatic and he doesn't have enough bullets to kill you all. Other than that, life is good.

9. When people are trying to board the Ferry, we see in the background, a Killer Tripod has snuck up on them. How? You didn't see the Tripod standing hundreds of feet in the air? You didn't hear it knocking down trees in the forrest as it clomped a path of death and destruction towards you?

10. Basement man (Harlan Olgivy) is, for all intents and purposes, sane when he agrees to take Ray and his daughter in to shelter them from the attack of the Killer Tripods. He's a bit shell shocked like everyone else - but he doesn't appear to be completely off his rocker - but then suddenly he goes insane because he witnesses one of the Tripods draining people of their blood. Really? This is the horror that put you over the top? Watching people being Atomized didn't do it. Seeing towns be blown apart was no big deal. Knowing that the best the Army had to offer has been swept away like so many crumbs off of a picnic table didn't move you.... But this is the image that causes your divorce from reality? Seriously?

11. The Aliens send a probe into the house to look for the people but is unable to locate anyone because they hide behind various objects. The immediate question that should come to mind to anyone half-way awake during this portion of the movie might be, "Is visible light the only part of the electromagnetic spectrum that the advanced aliens are aware of?" No Infra-red scanners. No thermal scanners. Hell even the Army that you just routed has that technology.

12. And now that I think about it... you have all this advanced technology, Interstellar travel, and advanced knowledge of Quantuum Mechanics evidenced by your shields and your Atomizers. You even demonstrate a mastery of biology and terraforming as you have spewn blood all over the place to grow your bio-matter - in the millions of years of planning this attack - you didn't think about or prepare for - germs? Really? Who dropped the ball on that one? Do you guys moonlight for FEMA?